Political party dissonance

I am having a political party identity crisis. it has been going on for a while now. I agree on almost half the platform of the democratic party, then another half on the republican side.


I do not want special protections and laws because I happen to have a vagina. It is insulting and infantilizing. I never understand why some women think it is a good thing. Being totally dependant on the government is not a good thing. NOW are a bunch of fucking losers. Don't even get me started on how NOW screamed foul when an pregnant woman (8 months pregnant) was murdered and the killer was charged with a double murder.They were pissed that the baby was being considered a person. Politics being so much more important than a murdered child.

I want gay marriage to be legal. Why is it any of my business who someone else decided to love?

I am tired of paying so many taxes, my yuppie fuckhead town has one of the highest tax rates in the state, yet every year they ask for a vote to override and hike more taxes. why? Because they built some stupid multi million dollar show off high school with a fucking bigger gymnasium than the Celtics play in but they have no money in the budget for books and teachers.Same goes for our brand new Ginormous police station.

I have never been less certain who I will vote for in a presidential election as I am now. I know I would not vote for Hillary. I am torn between Obama and Mccain and I am not liking either option. I worry Obama does not yet have the chops to run the country. I am afreaid that Mccain may actually be batshit crazy.
Bah! I wish Condoleeza was running for president.

Sometimes a good pedicure works wonders

Can you smell what Barack is cooking?

The candidates decided to go for the wrestling fan vote. http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/raw/2008/april22-28/6927230


Bill Clinton can charm the pants off of anyone.He had no trouble in 1992 being cool on MTV. To this day, even though I regret voting for him, if he is making a speech on TV, I get totally mesmerized by his charisma. I have a friend who met him and he said he was wowed by how charming he is even one on one.I think you can be a character even if you have no character (sorry stole that from Pulp Fiction).

I know many people think Obama has charisma, but in this instance the candidates are at their most painful pandering. It is like watching a Ben Stiller movie, I am so uncomfortable for them I squirm in my seat and cover my eyes.

That is my girl, rocking the pearls

If you can rock pearls, even with tomato stained lips, the world is your oyster.

Insomnia ramblings

I can't sleep. Too much complexities in my life and they seem to take all of my sleep ability away. Sleeping pills work but then I feel horrible the next day.


Jefferson was listening to Rage Against The Machine with me in the car yesterday. I wonder if letting him hear Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me being screamed like 20 times in a row makes me a bad mother? I won't even tell you the Primus song that he knows. (It is not the beaver one.) Oh well, we can always get therapy for the children later on.


For some weird reason Jefferson thinks doughnuts with sprinkles on them are called awful donuts. I have been unable to convince him otherwise. Of course he also thinks my brother in law's Rottweiler has a stubby tail because someone ate it for dinner. Brother in law feels a pang of guilt each time he hears Jefferson discussing said tail. He does not always understand what a joke is and interprets language very literally. Mind you I was sarcastic 99% of the time for my first 33 years, now I have to think twice about telling my husband I am going to kick his ass. Jefferson said to me one day "Don't kick dad's ass, that would hurt".

Begrudgingly living green

Ten years ago I laughed my ass off whenever I listened to Denis Leary's No Cure for Cancer CD...I love him, carnivore, smoker, smart ass Irish boy.

Lyric from his song I'm an asshole

And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why.

Then I go and have two kids and one has Autism. I start reading about parenting and diet and environmental toxins. God help me, I start to recycle. I clean with green cleaning products. Now that I am taking science classes I am even more determined to do right by our planet.

The other day I was at the supermarket and had the baby (Jordan) in the grocery cart. The cashier who I believe is, er rather I think she may be, fuck it. She was a bit special. As she is ringing the order ahead of mine I put my 5 items down on the belt..one of them being diapers. she looks over my head to the customer behind me and says conspiratorially "I wish everyone saw the show I did about environment, then they would stop using diapers." I was annoyed. Not annoyed enough to yell at a retarded person. The lady behind me gave me a sweet smile and told me my baby was beautiful..that kind of chilled me out. Mulling it over on the ride home it struck me that it is actually a good thing that most people are starting to really care about this stuff. It really is reaching everyone, not just people who can afford to shop at whole foods.

I still do love a juicy burger and foie gras, and nobody can take that away from me. (except my cardiologist)

I am in love, with Lichens

Lichens are my new obsession! Lichens are a unique forms of vegetation in that they are a composite life form: a fungus living in symbiosis with a photosynthesizing organism (which may be a green algae or a cyanobacteria, or both). This combination has been so successful that nearly 14,000 species of lichens are known to exist, ranging globally from pole to pole and on every type of land surface.

They are so beautiful. I have already started to draw and paint them and I feel driven to paint in a way that I have not felt in a long time. My biology professor is even getting me some work doing these illustration's for science books! I will get paid for liken Lichens!

Vampire Catfish

Sometimes I learn things in my Biology class that give me the heebie-jeebies. My biology professor has been to the Amazon and confirms this fish is real. From the website http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/2-29-2004-51087.asp

Candirú or Canero (Vandellia cirrhosa) is a freshwater fish belonging to the Catfish group. The species grows only to being one to two inches in length and four to six millimeters wide. It is shaped like an eel and is almost completely transparent, making it almost impossible to see in the water. A fast, powerful swimmer, the fish is smooth and slimy, with sharp teeth and backward-pointing spines on its gill. The Candiru is primarily found in the Amazon and Oranoco rivers and has a reputation among the natives as the most feared fish in its waters. The reason that the Candiru is most feared by humans is because it is the only vertebrate known to parasitize humans! The fish is said to be addicted to the taste and smell of human urine. Candirus parasitize humans, when they are skinny-dipping while urinating in the water. The candiru tastes the urine stream and follows it back to the human. It then swims up the urethra and lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines. Blood is drawn, and the candiru gorges itself on the blood and body tissue, its body sometimes expanding due to the amount of blood consumed. Once inside it would eat away the mucous membranes and tissues until hemorrhage would kill it or the host. It was also said that even if one caught the fish by the tail, once in the urethra it could not be pulled out because it would spread itself like an umbrella. The Candiru can attack both men and women.

I decided not to post the medical pictures of these being removed from a mans urethra.

Birkenstocks

Don't care if you think they are ugly...I love them like a fat kid loves cake!

Hopkinton or Bourbon Street?

The only thing my little snobby suburbia is known for (besides the Entwhistle murders) is the Boston Marathon.

Yep, my town is the size of a postage stamp, has no chain pharmacy or supermarket but we are the starting point for the world famous race.

What this means to me is I have to waste a vacation day because there is no getting out of my town. Sinewy freaks will be peeing on all the lawns on main street, turning all the grass brown (I actually think that is kind of funny)..we are transformed into a kind of Bourbon Street meets bulimia convention. Body fluids and crinkled paper cups everywhere. New crews and reporters and general chaos. Fun stuff.

Alberto Giacometti rocks my world

Suck it Autism

Today I observed something new and amazing. My son Jefferson who is almost six and has Autism, was flirting with a seven year old next door neighbor. He was swinging on the swing next to her, laughing and making eye contact.

Granted the conversation was about his obsession with herbs and spices (Ratatouie the Rat Movie), but she was following along.


Flash back to when he was two, Echolalia type speech was all I ever heard reciting dialogue from Toy Story and he would not look at anyone. Then age 2.9 the Early intervention specialists tell me there are some red flags indicating Autism. All I hoped for when he was 4 was the ability to have a back and forth conversation, about anything. By 5 he not only knocked that out of the park, he also had some real compassion and empathy towards others. The birth of his sister gave him a reason to pull out of his world and interact with another child.

Now he is seeking out and successfully making friends and being invited to other children's homes. I am starting to think further out towards his future now. Two years ago it would have been too overwhelming to even think about Jefferson's adulthood. Now I know that he will
continue to change and grow and surprise and awe everyone who loves him.

So Suck it Autism!

Jackie Warner and Camille Paglia

One subject I am endlessly fascinated by is gender roles. I have written about my masculine and feminine side in previous blogs and discuss this with my friends regularly.



My friend Thomas (who is a fucking genius) is able to write about this in a much more compelling way than I am. He looks at things in a more detached way and can analyze things that I usually miss.



The infatuation I have for Jackie Warner, the lesbian gym owner on the reality show Workout really drives home my interest in these gender stereotypical behaviors.



I joke about my girl crushes often. I have them and am comfortable with it. I do wonder why I am so drawn to Jackie. If she was a muscle bound man instead of a woman I do not think I would feel the same way. I like her as a beautiful and strong woman. Unafraid to be strident and ambitious, business owner, seducer, and open about her emotional side. She balances between feminine and masculine in a way that appeals to me.



I have always followed with interest the writings of Camille Paglia a self proclaimed bisexual feminist egomaniac. Her analysis of gender roles often rings true to me and as a naive college girl it was a new exotic viewpoint for me to hear someone saying that feminism was going wrong, was infantilizing and We've got to get back to a pro-art, all right, pro-beauty, pro-men kind of feminism.



We need a new leader! I wonder who Camille will pass the torch to. Madonna for a years seemed to be Camille's female ideal but Madonna has burnt out with her crappy children's books, fake accent and forced piety. Sister please! I liked her so much better in her bondage photos and burning crosses and making out with a black Jesus.

I am so bored with the current botox plastic females that are popular. I think it is time for a new aesthetic.

Pope Mobile Coming soon

Pope Benedict is not being embraced by American Catholics. American Catholics have been in crisis ever since the sex scandals in early 2000 where high ranking clergy members covered up known abuses and merely shuffled the offending priests to new unsuspecting churches. Boston's own Cardinal Law knowingly turned a blind eye in in the face of a mountain of evidence against Father John Geogan who molested children unfettered for decades.Cardinal Law was rewarded for this by being given a juicy administrative position in Rome.The Laity formed a group, Voice of the Faithful which succeeded in shining a very bright light on the cover ups and screaming for reform.

After this scandal blew up the Church distributed a document in 2005 to their churches called Instruction Concerning the Criteria for the Discernment of Vocations with regard to Persons with Homosexual Tendencies in view of their Admission to the Seminary and to Holy Orders
This piece of insight draws parallels between homosexuality and pedophilia. Way to win us back you dolts.

This among other things has taken an axe to my already thin allegiance to the Roman Catholic Church. What a crock of shit. I already knew that I disagreed with some of the Churches stances on birth control and fertility treatments. If you do not know, having IVF with donor sperm is tantamount to infidelity.

The do as we say, not as we do is not something Americans find motivating. I am a lapsed catholic to put it mildly. I am comfortable with my own personal beliefs and relationship with god and I take comfort in that relationship in my own way.

So it is no surprise to me that Americans are not moved to see the new Pope Benedict when he travels to the US. I am not sure where Catholicism is headed but cetainly Pope Benedict will have a lot of work to do if he wants to bring back his flock into a trusting and symbiotic relationship.

Southern Comfort

I have an enormous crush on Jonathan Papelbon. His splitter makes my heart skip a beat! He is one of the most exiting closers I have ever seen.

I also dig that he is a southern boy, is six foot four and is happily weird and uninhibited. He even owns my favorite breed of dog.

I am not alone in my fascination of southern men. Here in Boston I take calls from customers all over the country. Nothing makes me happier than the syrupy sweet drawl of a southern man. They are all flirts too and seem to dig my horrible Bostonian accent.

Many other girls here at work say that the Southern and Texan customers are the most fun to talk to. Cowboys and men who wrestle alligators. Ain't life grand!

"Momma says alligators are ornery because they have all them teeth and no toothbrush!"

4/15/08 after harassing my local Dunkins every day for a week, I finally schmoozed the store manager into giving me the Papelbon poster they have up when the promotion is over. Being really persistant can really pay off!

Say it like it is

I went to the Outlets stores the other day and I walked by a store window so packed with a clusterfuck of country kitsch you could not see inside. The name of the store? Country Clutter.

Why would you want to admit to your customers that all the shit you sell will clutter your house?Is that appealing to people?

This picture makes the store look way less cluttered than in really is. My daughter broke my digital camera by pouring Dora bubbles in it so this is all I could find. I guess it would save time if stores were all named as honestly as this one.

Me and Ally Sheedy, we got issues

Brother in law upon seeing the contents of my jeep bag (I use it as a pocketbook) said "This looks like Ally Sheedy's pocketbook from the Breakfast Club."

Of course I responded "Well, you never know when you might have to jam."

However I am uncomfortable with the level of disorganization my life has right now. That is coupled with some laziness about really tackling any of it.

Seems I am at an impasse here.

A good day in Boston

On our way home from the park we spotted Pat Patriot in the Collella's supermarket. Jordan ran right up to him and was talking to him. It was really cute. Plus we scored some free hotdogs!

Then we went home and watched the Red Sox get their rings and then kick some ass.

I ask you, what more can a Boston girl ask for in a day?

Girls I would switch teams for

Often when I comment that I think a girl is hot, or pretty my male friends ask, would you do her? Usually I just say no, but I would make out with her and let you watch. That stuns them into creative silence.

There are a few that I have girl-crushes on.

Condoleeza Rice, she is pretty, multi lingual, totally confident, a musician and likes sports
PJ Harvey, I don't really know why.
Carmen Electra although she has been with some skanky dudes
Brooke Burke is possibly the most attractive woman I have even seen

Bjork, I would like to hang out with her and make dresses out of tin foil.

Lastly Mallory Keaton, I forget her real name.

Ode to the Mullet

I know I am not alone in my fascination with the Mullet. I squeal with delight when I spot one, it can make my whole day when I see the rare femamullet. Mullets make me think of Canada, acid washed denimn, the eighties and Joe Dirt.oh and that dude Richard Marx.

Old School Sesame Street

We have box sets of sesame street from the 70's...they are really addictive. I watch them even if the kids leave the room.

There is a typewriter with feet cartoon and as he walks on the screen my kids are like, what's that, a phone? They have no idea what a typewriter looks like.

Also poor big bird back then was basically a special needs muppet.

File under things I learned Monday

Do not eat 2 bowls of miso soup at work if you are nervous about an impending biology exam.

Miso soup has dehydrated soybeans in it.

If you do not sleep for 24 hours it does not matter how many lattes you get at Starbucks.

Wearing a hot pink Lei on your head should improve your mood, but doesn't.

Your coworkers will laugh at you each and every time you use a footstool to reach the fax machine.

Someone finally explained to me what oh snap means.