The little things, Hot Cheese Popcorn, beastie boys

In stressful times I have noticed that time seems to slow down..it makes me more aware (usually painfully) of my surroundings. It also makes me notice and appreciate the simple pleasures in day to day life.

I had a moment today, in my tanning bed with the radio blaring....I'll Wait by Van Halen came on and I was suddenly 17 and having that surge of pleasure that cheesy rock used to bring me. Have not heard that song in years...I held on to that for the whole song, that pleasure.

When I got back to work my coworker Iris had bought me a gift...Wise Hot cheese popcorn. She and I share a passion for all things with hot sauce on them. Kinda hard to have a bad day with Tabasco flavored popcorn on your desk.

The other Moment was Friday driving home from seeing my dad, I am bobbing my head to the Beastie boys and I look in my rear view mirror to see Jordan my two year old smiling at me, bobbing her head in perfect tune to the music. Sharing that moment was bliss! I have the coolest fucking kids ever.

I am horribly immature today

I always hated Peyton manning.

I know Eli, fourth quarter...shut the hell up! The shirt is still funny.

Dear Paul

Paul,
You have been gone for well over a year. I still can't talk about you in the past tense. I still have one email, the last one 2 days before you were killed, in my work email inbox. I may have to stay at this company forever to preserve that last link between us.

I can still close my eyes and instantly see you, smiling and laughing. Lording over me as I drew a flower for your best girl...making me laugh with wicked, vile emails..that I now have memorized.



I still want to talk to you about silly things. What do you think about Amy Winehouse? Discuss with you how much I inexplicably love Les Claypool, you get that...Dylan too. Thanks for remembering me for a moment after you passed, by placing some Cd's I lent you out in plain view on my dresser .I know they were not there the night before.

I am still heartsick, still sore...still trying to find a way to rewind time and erase what was done to take you from all of us.Still missing you.

Love,
Kelly

11/12/08
Two years now and I still miss you. Still have that email in my inbox.

Why in fact kmart sucks.sales pitch overload

Not many things annoy me more than being cat called by sales weasels who are strategically placed where you must walk buy them. That being said I will be avoiding kmart for a while.

I went to a department store yesterday. I was not in the best mood to start with. Jordan was with her Grammie and Jefferson was at school so I had a few things to get done efficiently.

As soon as I walked through the store entrance there was a man in a bad suit locking eyes with me. I suck at being rude to salespeople (because i have done retail) so I smiled as he badly pitched me to buy portraits.

"Wow, you must work out"(...does this shit really make people buy stuff?)

I did not answer him, just smiled.

"No really, were you at the gym next door"..

I said Nope.(Please change the subject Dude I have stuff to do.)

He hands me a certificate for pictures and then tells me I need to give him 10 bucks. Ok Dude, thanks but no thanks.Hack.

You would think I was done but as I walked down the DVD aisle I am approached by a lady with a clipboard. what the fuck? she wants me to give her my address so she can enter me in a raffle for free windows.

Translation...I will sell your info to ever vendor in Massachusetts so we can harass you to buy our shit on a daily basis. I make this error once 11 years ago at a Bridal expo..do not enter raffles unless you enjoy being phone stalked by vendors. No thanks.

Made my way to checkout where the cashier asked me to open a sears charge, open some other charge, and give to march of Dimes. Fuck me..I like the March of Dimes and I walk for them most years. defeated I gave some money and left the store. I think holding squirming kids is better than a suit of armor sometimes..I will be sure to wear mine next time.

Points to ponder..aging gracefully

My plastic surgeon just sent me a coupon for botox. I have never done botox and I assume there are people who have it done and look great, so we never know.

Then there are trolls like Janice Dickenson who look franken-frightning. I was out to dinner with my Mom in Boston and I saw a lady in her 50's who had the strange frozen blank look AND some really scary lip augmentation. Yucko. Holding on grimly to faded youth.

Personally I think Diane Lane is my idol for aging gracefully, she has cute laugh lines and is still sexy.I like laugh lines and a few crinkles, proves you laugh enough.

Unless you really do look like Demi Moore here are some simple rules to follow for Mom's.

Do not wear denim mini skirts..ever..ever

if you have seem Pam Anderson wearing it, its not for you (sometimes it's not for her either)

Unless it is a sweatsuit do not ever borrow your daughters clothing. It weirds her out.

last one was very hard for me, no denim cutoff shorts. I am perpetually stuck in the 80's but it is still not a good look.

listen to your friends...they do not want you to look stupid.

Jefferson's Jedi's walk now bracelet

http://www.chrisicreations.com/Awareness.html

One of the few things I can concentrate on for more than 2 seconds is fundraising. So if you order any awareness jewelry through http://www.chrisicreations.com and tell her you are a friend of Jefferson's she will donate part of the moneys in Jefferson's name to Walk Now and Autism Speaks.

http://www.walknowforautism.org/greaterboston/personal/jeffie

Not going to vote with my vagina

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=64574

A feminist Marianne Williamson stating she is not going to vote with her vagina. These tweedy hags are the reason I am insulted if someone calls me a feminist.

First thought, thank god my vagina does not vote because unfortunately my vag is quite liberal, libertarian actually. The top half of me mostly votes republican.

I lost the above link momentarily and so I googled "vote with my vagina". The links that came up were gross. Ladies if you have leaking and oozing and it makes you think you are at a fish market, don't go online and ask fake doctors. Call your gyn and take a shower for christsakes.

What is going on with ladies shorts?

It is a poorly kept secret that I stand four foot ten inches tall. It stands to reason that my legs are pretty short. So I went to old navy to buy some shorts and they had all these weird khaki shorts that fall at the knee of an average sized girl. Ok, on me they would fall at the widest part of my calf. This makes me look

1. Dumpy

2. old

3. even fucking shorter that I actually am...very bad.

So then how about jaunting over to Abercrombie and Fucking pretentiousness...Ok if you can stomach the ear blasting crappy music, the overabunance of cologne and the vapid and bored sales-kids. The shorts are too short. They barely cover my bits...gross. Even when I was young and hot I would not have worn them. It was enjoyable letting my toddler screech while I browsed though because it irritated the kids that worked there.

Same long shorts at Gap..annoyed and shortless.Email me if you know where I can get some cute shorts.

The Joy of Swearing...repost

I love to swear. I do not swear a lot because I wish to preserve the power of a potent vulgarity directed at someone who is truly deserving.
I find that I swear most creatively in my car. I can summon up a rich river of vulgarity that would send my mother clutching her rosary and muttering about how I used to be such a nice girl. She has of late given up on such illusions (see tattoo post).I am especially fond of cursing at wealthy Moms trying to steer huge SUV's full of children while talking on their cellphones.I live in a wealthy suburbia where the size of your SUV seems to be proportionate to what an asshole you are. I drive a small SUV so I must be a tiny asshole!

I sometimes search on line for swears in other languages..I enjoy these a lot.The Dutch are very creative and enjoy calling people words for various venereal diseases. Geitenneuker is goat fucker in dutch. If you have any creative swear word feel free to share them. At last I feel I share something with my Dutch ancestry.

3/19/2008 My Mom is offended at my portrayal of her. Clutching her rosarys like some old woman. Ok she is not old, however she certainly DOES have and use her rosary beads. she also told me I used the work vagina too much in my newest blog. People you can draw yer own conclusions about ADD in Boston's Mom.

Politicians and hookers..oh Elliot

While I am somewhat uncomfortable with the gossip magazines gleeful exploitation of celebs and their problems..I occasionally take delight when a particularly unsavory politician gets caught with his pants down. To be totally honest when it is a democrat I am even happier.(Petty I know).

Mr. Spitzer (an unfortunate name in current circumstances) seemed to be particularly zealous and self righteous..making his fall all the more difficult. While I vote and campaign for predominately Republican candidates..I am socially liberal. I think prostitution should be legal. If the body part is part of you and you want to sell it...be my guest. The issues of infidelity are between him and his wife.

Whenever I see the poor spouse standing by her man as he resigns in shame I would love to know what they are thinking at that moment. Perhaps Elliot should hire a food taster for a while.

Update 3/15/08****The blonde hottie on Fox news this morning primly said that the fact that Spitzer's call girl of choice was sending a bad message to girls out there. Honey, you are reporting the news in skin tight clothes and short skirt, you look fabulous but lets be honest, honey you are selling it too.

Newer works..in progress

Cafe Italiano.....review

Carole and I ate at Cafe Italiano in Hopkinton last night. It used to be O'Toole's which was a great pub style family restaurant where my kids were welcome and you could get a decent burger for an affordable price.

I love Italian food so I was willing to keep an open mind about the new ownership and menu. We were seated promptly but waited an absurdly long time for our wine. We then waited a long time for our appetizer but it was delicious. Frisee, charcoal grilled calamari shrimp and mussels with a few mushrooms and olives and heart of palm.


I ordered the trout which was also wonderful in it's simplicity.It had an olive oil marinade and was dressed with some chopped tomatoes.


I enjoyed the food and the lovely Italian opera music and of course the company of Carole. The wine was just OK..a California Merlot. The prices and the very long delays made this a bit of a disappointment.

Autism Video

http://www.youtube.com/user/AutismSpeaksVids

I am participating in Walk Now for Autism to help find a cure for autism. Autism is the second most common developmental disorder in the United States affecting one in every 150 children born today. Despite some promising discoveries, the cause of autism is unknown and a cure does not exist. Research is crucial. Every 20 minutes another child is diagnosed with autism. Not only must we find ways to improve the quality of life for children and adults with autism, but we also must find a cure, and soon.
Walk Now for Autism is our chance to make a difference in the fight against autism by raising money for autism research and heightening public awareness. Please join me in my fight to help fund essential research. You can donate to Walk Now for Autism and join my team online through my webpage at www.walknowforautism.org. Donations can also be mailed to Autism Speaks using the donation form located on my page or send me a check made out to Autism Speaks. My team name is Jefferson’s Jedi’s; please note this on your check and the donation form.
Also if you order any awareness jewelry through http://www.chrisicreations.com and tell her you are a friend of Jefferson’s she will donate part of the moneys in Jefferson’s name.
Please join me in my fight against autism. Thank you for making a difference in the lives of the more than 1 million Americans living with autism today.
Sincerely,
Kelly, Michael, Jefferson and Jordan Kearney
http://www.walknowforautism.org/greaterboston/personal/jeffie

Trapper Keepers...Garanimals..Bonnie Bell..oldies but goodies

So they do not sell trapper keepers anymore. I had my husband looking all over the metro west for me. So how do I keep all my handouts from my classes from falling out of my notebook? Besides buying a helper who would carry my stuff for me, I can't afford an assistant right now.

Conversely Walmart has brought back Garanimals. The cute and affordable kids clothing that all matches so your kids can dress themselves without looking like a street urchin, or if you are my age like Cindi Lauper.They still sell Bonnie Bell lip smackers in Dr Pepper flavor and Sun-in, in case you want your hair to have that special apricot yellow tone. Lee press on nails..still on the market..tried them and they still suck. One popped off into a pot of food I was cooking. The recipe did not call for superglue and acrylic unfortunately. Aquanet still on the market but smells so gross I could not bring myself to try it for nostalgia's sake. Plus that crispy garden weasel bang look...I do not have the hair to spare.

Lastly the leg warmer, the often maligned but functional leg covering. When shoveling snow yesterday I wished I had some so I could keep the snow from sneaking into my book and getting my pants all wet.

Sigh, I guess I can tuck in on my couch with some cheesy John Hughs confection and pretend it is 1983.

Update, thanks to my coworker Liz.. I know there are trapper keepers and reasonable facsimiles available. Bought a nice blue zip up one yesterday.

Repetitive play...the birthday party

Ok this is pretty interesting. The tractors and cars all get their own milk. He sets it up the EXACT same way every time.

The Boobahs are eating Candy