Why do I live the cliche?

Sometimes I feel like I am missing some important domestic girl genes. For example when I go into a Bed Bath and Beyond I am totally clueless and overwhelemed by the stuff there. I have never bought a curtain in my life, my sisters and cousins pick them out for me. I lke furniture sort of but I dont have that passion that my friends have for decorating my home. There is one thing that makes me feel connected to my girlness.I have an intense and deep love of shoes. I don't buy clothes that often. I spend more money on books than anything else.

OK that is a HUGE lie I just told you.

I spend more money on shoes than anything else. I can't help myself. When I go into a shoe store I feel my heart race, my palms itch and tingle. As I gaze with adoration at the gleaming little jewels. My brain immediately matches them with my clothes and I am in trouble.

In my fantasies I have a custom made walk in shoe closet a la Mariah Carey MTV cribs episode. Shut up, I know godamn well you have seen it too.

Well I guess cliches become cliches for a reason.

Dear Paul 10/14/2007

Paul,
You have been gone for well over a year. I still can't talk about you in the past tense. I still have one email, the last one 2 days before you were killed, in my work email inbox. I may have to stay at this company forever to preserve that last link between us.

I can still close my eyes and instantly see you, smiling and laughing. Lording over me as I drew a flower for your best girl...making me laugh with wicked, vile emails..that I now have memorized.



I still want to talk to you about silly things. What do you think about Amy Winehouse? Discuss with you how much I inexplicably love Les Claypool, you get that...Dylan too. Thanks for remembering me for a moment after you passed, by placing some Cd's I lent you out in plain view on my dresser .I know they were not there the night before.

I am still heartsick, still sore...still trying to find a way to rewind time and erase what was done to take you from all of us.Still missing you.

Love,
Kelly

11/14/08
Two years now and I still miss you. I still have that email in my inbox.We won't ever forget about you sweetheart.

Jenny McCarthy can cure autism

Just ask her, she seems to know that Autism is not genetic. She instead says she has proof that her family cannot detox vaccines? She also states that there is still themerosal in vaccines.

People often ask me what I think about her, and I always say that I am glad she brings attention to Autism. I feel a real connection with her that only another Mother with an autistic child can truly understand. I understand the sweetness of getting those small rewards of shared attention.I know what it is to work day after day to reach in and pull your child out of their small world.I also think she is a wonderful Mother who is clearly attached and devoted to her boy.

Now that Jenny is affiliated with Operation Rescue her statements are bolder and more controversial. In people magazine she said "How can 15 years of anecdotal evidence be wrong?"

Ummm, anecdotal evidence is often unscientific or pseudo scientific because various forms of bias can affect the collection of evidence. When a cause can be easily linked to an effect, people overestimate the likelihood of the cause having that effect. In particular, emotionally-charged anecdotes seem more plausible, and are given greater weight.

I am quoting here from wilkepedia A common way anecdotal evidence becomes unscientific is through fallacious reasoning such as the Post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, the human tendency to assume that if one event happens after another, then the first must be the cause of the second. Another fallacy involves inductive reasoning. For instance, if an anecdote illustrates a desired conclusion rather than a logical conclusion, it is considered a faulty or hasty generalization.[9] For example, here is anecdotal evidence presented as proof of a desired conclusion:

"There's abundant proof that God exists and is still performing miracles today. Just last week I read about a girl who was dying of cancer. Her whole family went to church and prayed for her, and she was cured."

What about all the parents like me, who have not detoxified our child's diet and environment, but instead have used more traditional treatments like ABA, PT,OT,ST. Wearing your child, using attachment parenting. This is the methodology I use with my 6 year old and he is also making huge gains everyday. About 80% of the time now the fact that he is autistic is not detectable to someone observing him now.

If I were to 100% buy into anecdotal evidence I would say the fact that I wore my son almost all of the time in his first year of life may be the reason he has always been able to attach to me and really should be used for all infants.

I am asked all the time (forgive me for always using my same analogy I am a simple girl). Kelly, do you think autism is genetic?

I think part of it is genetic. I believe there are a few triggers. I believe you must have some genetic predisposition to autism.I believe the other triggers could be environmental, maybe vaccines, maybe a virus.

Pull the lever of the slot machine:(the three cherries still really undefined)

genetic predisposition
toxins
allergy

get 3 cherries and you have Autism and belong to a club you never thought you would join.

I am glad Jenny is bringing a voice to Autism. I wish I could be heard as loudly as she is because if I had access to that publicity there are things I want to share with parents beyond scaring the shit out of them about vaccines.

This is what I want you to know:

The earlier Autism is detected the better. We need to fight for access to intensive early intervention with the most effective treatments. Many states do not have the basic services that have been proven to be necessary for reaching an Autistic child.I would love to work on making people aware of that as my full time job. If anyone wishes to hire me to do this let me know.I am not as hot as Jenny but I am charming as hell.

There are many variations that fall under the Autism umbrella. I would use my publicity to talk about the different behaviors and skills and misconceptions that are currently out there about Autism.

I would address the new SHOCK jock attitude that most Autistic kids are really just spoiled. This is so damaging and really hurts the perceptions that people have.

Early detection is crucial!

Jenny, if you read this I want to have a beer with you and talk about shoes someday.

Ok I am gonna jump off my soapbox now. Thanks for listening.

Suck it autism part deux

My son is now in first grade. When he gets off the bus we usually hang out with all the other parents and kids for a bit, enjoying the day and letting the kids blow off a little steam.

Today my son did something I have never seen him do before. He got off bus and started to run and chase and older boy that he did not know. They spontaneously started a game of tag.

Number one, I have never seen my son without being coerced play any physical type game ever. Two, he rarely used to even look at people he did not know. Three, he is running! Laughing! Yelling! Making eye contact with this kid.

I am standing there with tears running down my face. I flashback to age 2 silent, playing on the floor with his trains. Age 3, reciting dialogue from movies and commercials but rarely having meaningful conversations.

Now, handsome and engaging he seeks out other children to play. He is blooming slowly but this is one blossom worth waiting for.

Debates... Yawn

I watched the debates mainly to see if McCain would be able to show some charisma.I already knew that the debates reveal little to nothing about actual platforms and policy. The two candidates cautiously circle each other, frozen smiles in place. Through gritted teeth they try to best their opponent without seeming aggressive. Defend their statements without seeming defensive. They are too careful,too modulated, too fake. Of course nobody wants to be perceived as too emotional a la Howard Dean. Don't be wooden like Al Gore.

My friend tall Kelly is an Obama supporter.I am a McCain supporter. So I asked her who she thought did better and she said "well they both did OK, but I thought Obama was a little better.I told her I thought they both did well but I thought McCain did a little better. Basically this conversation between Kelly's proved to me how useless these debates are.

Then Tall Kelly said she thought they should spice it up, maybe play some games, have some free style rap. I think this is an excellent idea.

Wilkepedia for Muppet lovers

http://muppet.wikia.com


Those who know me are aware i am a tad obssesed with sesame street and muppet characters. This site is fabulous and lists all of the obscure puppets over the years on the show.

summer goals update

I posted these in june

Goals for summer:
Learn to throw a javelin. billy blanks tae bo instead

Learn a new language, or at least be able to talk dirty in another language i learned some dirty phrases

Read a few non medical/nursing books read 5 non medical books

quit smoking AGAIN (I quit for 7 years and started again, because I am stupid)at the moment am not smoking

Go to a vineyard, have never been to one sadly no

create enough painting to have a show somewhere well on my way

be still (this will be the hardest one next to javelin)failure

learn to swing a gold club working on it and can hit the ball straight but only 50 yards

You either get it or you don't

there is no perfect life or perfect place to live,

there are fleeting moments and images, painful and sweet

noticing those notes, smells, tastes and remembering them

attempting to give good karma out into the world..not to achieve total consciousness
but because you just feel right doing so

moments of laughing, yelling, being rebellious and obnoxious,

having people that can hear you even when you won't talk

my own needs are so simple and my rules are too

I want to end each day knowing that if it was my last, my friends would know exactly how I feel about them

I can still be embarrased

I did not think it was possible to make me blush anymore. I used to work with severely mentally challenged adults who would steal coffee, drop trou in public, rip price tags off all the clothing in stores...I handled this all with aplomb.

My three year old daughter accompanied me to David's bridal where I had to be fitted for a bridesmaids dress. If you are familiar with this store when you try on dresses you walk into a public area that has mirrors covering the walls and platforms where you can stand and look at the gown.

As I came out each time in a new dress my daughter would exclaim "Mommy wearing red! Mommy wearing pink!"...after about the 6th gown I came out and stepped on podium next to 2 brides to be in wearing their beautiful potential dresses.

My three year old crowed

"Mommy! Where is your vagina?"...I ignored her and looked around nervously...so far brides ignoring me and her.

MOM WHERE DID YOUR VAGINA GO?

MOMMY IS YOUR VAGINA STILL HERE?

She grabs the gown and pulls it up and climbs under my dress...at this point all the sweet 20 something brides and their Moms are totally listening and looking out of the corners of their eyes at us.

I whisper desperately, "Honey it is still there, lets not talk about this now ok?"
She is quiet for a moment and smiles up at me.

I start to relax and she follows me into my changing room. I take off the gown and I am whispering to her. "Honey we need to be quiet in front of all the ladies ok?"

She decided this would be a good time to leave the changing room and flings the door open as I stand there in a bra and panties. She turns and looks at me and yells

"Mommy there is your vagina, and your tattoo!"


Nice...blushing as I see the fleeting glances of the horrified women ..I manage to dress quickly and grab my girl's hand and retreat from the store.

Viva La Drag Queen!

I saw a great Drag Cabaret Show in Boston last night.The over exaggeration of all that is feminine plus their long limbs and wide shoulders gives the drag queen a kind of fierce, in your face beauty.
They move their limbs in a liquid and sexual way, much more so than a girl would need to. Everything is amped up, color contacts, fake eyelashes,glitter, paint, red lips.
I resent the time it takes to apply my mascara. Every day I take my femininity for granted even when I am strident in my berks and hoodie.

It is obvious why certain female pop stars like Cher, Whitney, Brittany who emulate this exaggerated femininity are iconoclastic. One thing I am interested in is why heterosexual women love drag queens so much? I joked with my girlfriends about my confusing feelings when the Britney queen came by and kissed me. She was beautiful and seductive and fascinating.
We like their boldness, fearlessness and fashion exaggeration because we would never pull off those sequins and rock those stilettos like a 6 foot 5 drag queen can. I am now thinking that Gwen Stefani may actually be a drag queen.

Bad girls, bold girls, girls who are fierce and in your face! I realized as they all came out on the stage singing Lady Marmelade and all of the drunk girls were screaming along this is what we love about them…they are paying us the highest compliment that they possibly can and we love them right back!


Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir all my sisters and me!