Part One: Society's Barriers against evil

Sometimes my optimism is a curse. I am often naive and gullible and disappointed when I am proven wrong about people. The other part of me wants to hang on to optimism because it usually serves me well. I started to realize a few years ago that I am practicing mostly Buddhist methodology in my daily life. Well, minus abstaining from cursing and drinking.

Karma is not fate, because we act with free will and creating our own destiny. If we are good, we will receive goodness; if we are evil, we will receive evil. Karma refers to the totality of our actions and its cumulative reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our fate. The benefits of karma lie in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

This does not mean that bad things don’t happen to wonderful and good people, this is usually the unfortunate consequence of free will and other people deciding not to follow the right path. I believe that these people who cause harm to others will be dealt with Karmically. I see it happen every day.

The man who killed my friend by driving drunk and high and tried to flee the scene. I wished so many bad things would happen to him. Then I started thinking about how gentle and kind my friend was. He never complained about anything. I had to let go of some of my hate. Two years later I found an old article on a website for a local newspaper had dozens of comments on the article about my friends death. People that knew this man who killed my friend all had terrible things to say about him. I read with awe about this mans life. It was like the opposite of George Bailey. I can’t imagine being that kind of person day in and out. I think he is reaping the karma he deserves. The universe does not embrace him. There is less chance for peace and true happiness if you are too afraid or too selfish.Self protecting mechanisms can blind you to really amazing people and experiences.

I have read Ann Rand and thought a lot about individualism and libertarianism. There are parts that can be gleaned for all of these seemingly opposing ideologies. I was initially resistant to reading the Lucifer principal because the basic theory of inherently evil man bothered me. However as I read it I do see the social groupings, clusters of behaviors be them good or evil. We are all basically animals, some of us are better able to adapt and cope without resorting to base and violent behaviors.

I believe most people are good. I think organized religion and fear does keep a tether on mans behavior and helps create social norms. I personally believe if the only reason you are doing something good is because you don’t want to go to hell ..it is not really a truly good act.

I am going to take a closer look at all of these ideologies and continue with a few more blogs.

Best Cusses While Driving

I am always looking for new and creative ways to swear at drivers who irritate me. I used an oldie but goodie yesterday when a gentleman cut me off in traffic and then had to idle next to me at a red light. I politely told him: EAT A BOWL OF DICKS! OK, I didn't really say it politely, I kind of yelled it. It felt fucking great too! It was not my most creative moment but it was funny when his female passenger looked at me in shock.

There is a weird blip that happens when we are in our cars, we turn into
barbarians, you will say things that you would NEVER say if you were standing in a crowd. My *relative* practically froths at the mouth when she drives..it pretty damn entertaining.

I actually saw my *relative edit* throw a lit cigarette into a car of a yuppie-doofus who cut us off in traffic. I saw another *friend* throw a hand full of pennies at a car that nearly ran us off road.

I have never thrown anything, I get more enjoyment out of yelling because people truly do not expect it from me. ( I look sweet and even demure from far enough away)Proper use of vulgarity is my god given talent. I hope you cut me off in traffic someday so I can show you what Ive got in the arsenal.

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

I know you read my blog cause I have your ip address there at the north pole. I have been a really good girl this year. OK not really good, but pretty good.

I want a furby pigmy

a forensic microscope

a taser

and a stocked wine cellar

If you could do that I would be ever so grateful.

Love,
Kelly

Why do I live the cliche?

Sometimes I feel like I am missing some important domestic girl genes. For example when I go into a Bed Bath and Beyond I am totally clueless and overwhelemed by the stuff there. I have never bought a curtain in my life, my sisters and cousins pick them out for me. I lke furniture sort of but I dont have that passion that my friends have for decorating my home. There is one thing that makes me feel connected to my girlness.I have an intense and deep love of shoes. I don't buy clothes that often. I spend more money on books than anything else.

OK that is a HUGE lie I just told you.

I spend more money on shoes than anything else. I can't help myself. When I go into a shoe store I feel my heart race, my palms itch and tingle. As I gaze with adoration at the gleaming little jewels. My brain immediately matches them with my clothes and I am in trouble.

In my fantasies I have a custom made walk in shoe closet a la Mariah Carey MTV cribs episode. Shut up, I know godamn well you have seen it too.

Well I guess cliches become cliches for a reason.

Dear Paul 10/14/2007

Paul,
You have been gone for well over a year. I still can't talk about you in the past tense. I still have one email, the last one 2 days before you were killed, in my work email inbox. I may have to stay at this company forever to preserve that last link between us.

I can still close my eyes and instantly see you, smiling and laughing. Lording over me as I drew a flower for your best girl...making me laugh with wicked, vile emails..that I now have memorized.



I still want to talk to you about silly things. What do you think about Amy Winehouse? Discuss with you how much I inexplicably love Les Claypool, you get that...Dylan too. Thanks for remembering me for a moment after you passed, by placing some Cd's I lent you out in plain view on my dresser .I know they were not there the night before.

I am still heartsick, still sore...still trying to find a way to rewind time and erase what was done to take you from all of us.Still missing you.

Love,
Kelly

11/14/08
Two years now and I still miss you. I still have that email in my inbox.We won't ever forget about you sweetheart.

Jenny McCarthy can cure autism

Just ask her, she seems to know that Autism is not genetic. She instead says she has proof that her family cannot detox vaccines? She also states that there is still themerosal in vaccines.

People often ask me what I think about her, and I always say that I am glad she brings attention to Autism. I feel a real connection with her that only another Mother with an autistic child can truly understand. I understand the sweetness of getting those small rewards of shared attention.I know what it is to work day after day to reach in and pull your child out of their small world.I also think she is a wonderful Mother who is clearly attached and devoted to her boy.

Now that Jenny is affiliated with Operation Rescue her statements are bolder and more controversial. In people magazine she said "How can 15 years of anecdotal evidence be wrong?"

Ummm, anecdotal evidence is often unscientific or pseudo scientific because various forms of bias can affect the collection of evidence. When a cause can be easily linked to an effect, people overestimate the likelihood of the cause having that effect. In particular, emotionally-charged anecdotes seem more plausible, and are given greater weight.

I am quoting here from wilkepedia A common way anecdotal evidence becomes unscientific is through fallacious reasoning such as the Post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, the human tendency to assume that if one event happens after another, then the first must be the cause of the second. Another fallacy involves inductive reasoning. For instance, if an anecdote illustrates a desired conclusion rather than a logical conclusion, it is considered a faulty or hasty generalization.[9] For example, here is anecdotal evidence presented as proof of a desired conclusion:

"There's abundant proof that God exists and is still performing miracles today. Just last week I read about a girl who was dying of cancer. Her whole family went to church and prayed for her, and she was cured."

What about all the parents like me, who have not detoxified our child's diet and environment, but instead have used more traditional treatments like ABA, PT,OT,ST. Wearing your child, using attachment parenting. This is the methodology I use with my 6 year old and he is also making huge gains everyday. About 80% of the time now the fact that he is autistic is not detectable to someone observing him now.

If I were to 100% buy into anecdotal evidence I would say the fact that I wore my son almost all of the time in his first year of life may be the reason he has always been able to attach to me and really should be used for all infants.

I am asked all the time (forgive me for always using my same analogy I am a simple girl). Kelly, do you think autism is genetic?

I think part of it is genetic. I believe there are a few triggers. I believe you must have some genetic predisposition to autism.I believe the other triggers could be environmental, maybe vaccines, maybe a virus.

Pull the lever of the slot machine:(the three cherries still really undefined)

genetic predisposition
toxins
allergy

get 3 cherries and you have Autism and belong to a club you never thought you would join.

I am glad Jenny is bringing a voice to Autism. I wish I could be heard as loudly as she is because if I had access to that publicity there are things I want to share with parents beyond scaring the shit out of them about vaccines.

This is what I want you to know:

The earlier Autism is detected the better. We need to fight for access to intensive early intervention with the most effective treatments. Many states do not have the basic services that have been proven to be necessary for reaching an Autistic child.I would love to work on making people aware of that as my full time job. If anyone wishes to hire me to do this let me know.I am not as hot as Jenny but I am charming as hell.

There are many variations that fall under the Autism umbrella. I would use my publicity to talk about the different behaviors and skills and misconceptions that are currently out there about Autism.

I would address the new SHOCK jock attitude that most Autistic kids are really just spoiled. This is so damaging and really hurts the perceptions that people have.

Early detection is crucial!

Jenny, if you read this I want to have a beer with you and talk about shoes someday.

Ok I am gonna jump off my soapbox now. Thanks for listening.

Suck it autism part deux

My son is now in first grade. When he gets off the bus we usually hang out with all the other parents and kids for a bit, enjoying the day and letting the kids blow off a little steam.

Today my son did something I have never seen him do before. He got off bus and started to run and chase and older boy that he did not know. They spontaneously started a game of tag.

Number one, I have never seen my son without being coerced play any physical type game ever. Two, he rarely used to even look at people he did not know. Three, he is running! Laughing! Yelling! Making eye contact with this kid.

I am standing there with tears running down my face. I flashback to age 2 silent, playing on the floor with his trains. Age 3, reciting dialogue from movies and commercials but rarely having meaningful conversations.

Now, handsome and engaging he seeks out other children to play. He is blooming slowly but this is one blossom worth waiting for.

Debates... Yawn

I watched the debates mainly to see if McCain would be able to show some charisma.I already knew that the debates reveal little to nothing about actual platforms and policy. The two candidates cautiously circle each other, frozen smiles in place. Through gritted teeth they try to best their opponent without seeming aggressive. Defend their statements without seeming defensive. They are too careful,too modulated, too fake. Of course nobody wants to be perceived as too emotional a la Howard Dean. Don't be wooden like Al Gore.

My friend tall Kelly is an Obama supporter.I am a McCain supporter. So I asked her who she thought did better and she said "well they both did OK, but I thought Obama was a little better.I told her I thought they both did well but I thought McCain did a little better. Basically this conversation between Kelly's proved to me how useless these debates are.

Then Tall Kelly said she thought they should spice it up, maybe play some games, have some free style rap. I think this is an excellent idea.

Wilkepedia for Muppet lovers

http://muppet.wikia.com


Those who know me are aware i am a tad obssesed with sesame street and muppet characters. This site is fabulous and lists all of the obscure puppets over the years on the show.

summer goals update

I posted these in june

Goals for summer:
Learn to throw a javelin. billy blanks tae bo instead

Learn a new language, or at least be able to talk dirty in another language i learned some dirty phrases

Read a few non medical/nursing books read 5 non medical books

quit smoking AGAIN (I quit for 7 years and started again, because I am stupid)at the moment am not smoking

Go to a vineyard, have never been to one sadly no

create enough painting to have a show somewhere well on my way

be still (this will be the hardest one next to javelin)failure

learn to swing a gold club working on it and can hit the ball straight but only 50 yards