Part One: Society's Barriers against evil

Sometimes my optimism is a curse. I am often naive and gullible and disappointed when I am proven wrong about people. The other part of me wants to hang on to optimism because it usually serves me well. I started to realize a few years ago that I am practicing mostly Buddhist methodology in my daily life. Well, minus abstaining from cursing and drinking.

Karma is not fate, because we act with free will and creating our own destiny. If we are good, we will receive goodness; if we are evil, we will receive evil. Karma refers to the totality of our actions and its cumulative reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our fate. The benefits of karma lie in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

This does not mean that bad things don’t happen to wonderful and good people, this is usually the unfortunate consequence of free will and other people deciding not to follow the right path. I believe that these people who cause harm to others will be dealt with Karmically. I see it happen every day.

The man who killed my friend by driving drunk and high and tried to flee the scene. I wished so many bad things would happen to him. Then I started thinking about how gentle and kind my friend was. He never complained about anything. I had to let go of some of my hate. Two years later I found an old article on a website for a local newspaper had dozens of comments on the article about my friends death. People that knew this man who killed my friend all had terrible things to say about him. I read with awe about this mans life. It was like the opposite of George Bailey. I can’t imagine being that kind of person day in and out. I think he is reaping the karma he deserves. The universe does not embrace him. There is less chance for peace and true happiness if you are too afraid or too selfish.Self protecting mechanisms can blind you to really amazing people and experiences.

I have read Ann Rand and thought a lot about individualism and libertarianism. There are parts that can be gleaned for all of these seemingly opposing ideologies. I was initially resistant to reading the Lucifer principal because the basic theory of inherently evil man bothered me. However as I read it I do see the social groupings, clusters of behaviors be them good or evil. We are all basically animals, some of us are better able to adapt and cope without resorting to base and violent behaviors.

I believe most people are good. I think organized religion and fear does keep a tether on mans behavior and helps create social norms. I personally believe if the only reason you are doing something good is because you don’t want to go to hell ..it is not really a truly good act.

I am going to take a closer look at all of these ideologies and continue with a few more blogs.

Best Cusses While Driving

I am always looking for new and creative ways to swear at drivers who irritate me. I used an oldie but goodie yesterday when a gentleman cut me off in traffic and then had to idle next to me at a red light. I politely told him: EAT A BOWL OF DICKS! OK, I didn't really say it politely, I kind of yelled it. It felt fucking great too! It was not my most creative moment but it was funny when his female passenger looked at me in shock.

There is a weird blip that happens when we are in our cars, we turn into
barbarians, you will say things that you would NEVER say if you were standing in a crowd. My *relative* practically froths at the mouth when she drives..it pretty damn entertaining.

I actually saw my *relative edit* throw a lit cigarette into a car of a yuppie-doofus who cut us off in traffic. I saw another *friend* throw a hand full of pennies at a car that nearly ran us off road.

I have never thrown anything, I get more enjoyment out of yelling because people truly do not expect it from me. ( I look sweet and even demure from far enough away)Proper use of vulgarity is my god given talent. I hope you cut me off in traffic someday so I can show you what Ive got in the arsenal.

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,

I know you read my blog cause I have your ip address there at the north pole. I have been a really good girl this year. OK not really good, but pretty good.

I want a furby pigmy

a forensic microscope

a taser

and a stocked wine cellar

If you could do that I would be ever so grateful.

Love,
Kelly

Why do I live the cliche?

Sometimes I feel like I am missing some important domestic girl genes. For example when I go into a Bed Bath and Beyond I am totally clueless and overwhelemed by the stuff there. I have never bought a curtain in my life, my sisters and cousins pick them out for me. I lke furniture sort of but I dont have that passion that my friends have for decorating my home. There is one thing that makes me feel connected to my girlness.I have an intense and deep love of shoes. I don't buy clothes that often. I spend more money on books than anything else.

OK that is a HUGE lie I just told you.

I spend more money on shoes than anything else. I can't help myself. When I go into a shoe store I feel my heart race, my palms itch and tingle. As I gaze with adoration at the gleaming little jewels. My brain immediately matches them with my clothes and I am in trouble.

In my fantasies I have a custom made walk in shoe closet a la Mariah Carey MTV cribs episode. Shut up, I know godamn well you have seen it too.

Well I guess cliches become cliches for a reason.

Dear Paul 10/14/2007

Paul,
You have been gone for well over a year. I still can't talk about you in the past tense. I still have one email, the last one 2 days before you were killed, in my work email inbox. I may have to stay at this company forever to preserve that last link between us.

I can still close my eyes and instantly see you, smiling and laughing. Lording over me as I drew a flower for your best girl...making me laugh with wicked, vile emails..that I now have memorized.



I still want to talk to you about silly things. What do you think about Amy Winehouse? Discuss with you how much I inexplicably love Les Claypool, you get that...Dylan too. Thanks for remembering me for a moment after you passed, by placing some Cd's I lent you out in plain view on my dresser .I know they were not there the night before.

I am still heartsick, still sore...still trying to find a way to rewind time and erase what was done to take you from all of us.Still missing you.

Love,
Kelly

11/14/08
Two years now and I still miss you. I still have that email in my inbox.We won't ever forget about you sweetheart.