Estrogen overload and I liked it

So my girlfriend wanted to go see the Sex and the city movie, and I needed some good cheer and wine so I agreed to go with her with only marginal expectations.

OK, I am entering somewhat unfamiliar territory here. I am normally uninterested in chick flicks and chick lit and anything that seems to pander to women being shoe obsessed man haters. However I did watch sex and the city for the first few seasons I thought it was a riot.I did see one man in the theatre with a date, poor thing. I sincerely hope she gave him some sexual favors afterwards, that is if he could find his balls after watching this movie.

This movie was cute, kind of a long version of the show. I am well aware the fact that I drank 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio helped me tap into my girly side and like this flick. The shoes were shoe-gasmic! I love looking at stiletto's with the knowledge I would break a leg if I ever tried to wear them.There was a scene of Carrie in heels and a bra and panties in her closet and she has the most amazing bod I have ever seen.They all looked pretty good 4 years later. The clothes were over the top and fun to look at.My verdict? This is a delicious girly confection of shoes, purses, glamour and romance.

I will try to balance my chi by seeing Iron Man next weekend.

Suck it Autism

Jefferson tests in the gifted range and is now showing social skills, empathy and safety skills. Ahem,
Suck it Autism

Rachel Ray is a terrorist

From MSNBC
Dunkin' Donuts pulled a television spot featuring talk show host and Food Network personality Rachael Ray this weekend after a Fox news commentator associated it with terrorists.

In the ad, Ray is wearing a scarf that Michelle Malkin said in her nationally syndicated column resembled a kiffiyeh, Middle Eastern garb that is "popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos."

Dunkin's Senior Vice President for Communications Margie Myers issued a statement saying the scarf "was selected by a stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended.

"However, as of this past weekend, we are no longer using the online ad because the possibility of misperception detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee."

In her column, Malkin also noted that it could appear at times that actor Colin Farrell, rapper Kanye West and Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean have been photographed in similar scarves that were "distinctive hate couture."

I used to know everything

I used to be so sure of everything. As I get older I become less certain and more open to ideas and opinions I would have immediately rejected 15 years ago. I see this in other friends who are much younger than me, the arrogance and righteous indignation when you do not agree with them. It always makes me chuckle because that was me at one time. I wanted to save the world, and if you didn't you were an asshole.I still want to save people, only now I want to be paid a lot of money to do it. I also now recognize that some people are not capable of giving without it killing them and leaving an empty husk.

People should take the time to assess what they are good at, embrace it, revere it. Your talents are sometimes the only tools you have to survive.I have an ability to comfort people and make them laugh. It took me a long time to realize this is a talent and something I should be grateful for. I have a huge capacity to love and a lack of embarrassment in telling those I love how I feel. I have found this is actually pretty rare as my friends are sometimes astonished when I tell them I love them.

I have worked taking care of mentally challenged adults and when people would say oh, you are so good to do that, it would kind of weird me out. I enjoyed it and was good at it, end of story. These people I cared for were lovely, different and never boring. I can't say as much for a lot of mentally typical people I know.

I have held the hands of patients who were dying and I am able to do it with enough feeling to make it important, but enough distance so it does not turn me into a ball of jelly. This is my talent and my calling. I talk to people at work every day who are crying and grieving and it is so easy to give them a measure of kindness and sympathy instead of being a fucking drone and rattling off how they can cancel the account. Sometimes a small measure of kindness is the only thing that person will remember of that day.

I may not be an eloquent blogger, or a genius, but I know what I can do and I will try to become as good at it as I possibly can.

where would I be without comedy

I have been looking up jokes lately to entertain a friend and as I sift through all of the jokes and comedians I started to realize how important comedy is in my life.

My taste in comedians is always changing. As a teenager I loved Sam Kinneson's assessment of being in love is like driving your car into a brick wall at 90mph.. I also loved eddie Murphy, George Carlin and Howie Mandel.Dave Chapell is amazing and makes my stomach hurt from laughing. I have seen so may live shows in boston, many famous, some newbies. One fella I saw 12 years ago did this weird interpretation of a gay snake that I can still see when I close my eyes and it still makes me laugh.

Later I started to like Andy Kauffman, his interest in generating laughter, hatred and uncomfortable silences intrigued me. Steven wright and Mitch Hedburg also became obsessions of mine.I love jokes that cannot be told by anyone else, it makes them so much more special. You need to see the face, hear the cadence, feel the rhythm.

I often tell very bad jokes, puns to my friends and I have to admit when they roll their eyes or sigh, or yell at me, it does make me happy.They also like to forward baed jokes to me saying, Here is a Kelly joke if I ever saw one.

My friends know if they come over and I am watching Caddy Shack or best of Chris Farley that I am self-medicating. It is the fastest way for me to feel good. watch Farley hike up his pants and sloppily splash though a coffee table, go on I dare ya not to laugh.

Darth Spogebob

Bored observations

people that make me uncomfortable rarely seem to catch on to that fact, there is a balance between good eye contact and scary rabbit boiling eye contact

my new tanning salon plays really bad music

my caviar tastes are wreaking havoc with my walmart budget

if I am at a bar watching a sox game and I ask you to move your big head, I am NOT flirting with you..I am smiling so you wont feel bad about having such a big head.

I make really good art when I am under stress

Desert ipod choices

I am guessing it is passe to say desert island discs since the ipod has taken over. I have a very weird addiction to mine. It talks to me, tells me when it is bored and hungry. It speaks with a Transylvanian/Mae West accent.

I digress,the songs I MUST have in my ipod as I suntan in isolation for the rest of my life.

work it missy elliot
stigmata minstry
killing in the name rage against the machine
chocolate jesus tom waits
drown smashing pumpkins
if i aint got you alicia keys
doll parts hole
fish on primus
cherub rock smashing pumpkins
brick house the commodores
milkshake kellis
99 problems jay z
gossip folks missy elliot
girlfriend in a coma the smiths
beds too big without you the police
moon over bourbon street sting
where have all the cowboys gone paula cole
enter sandman metallica
cherish madonna
sabotage beastie boys
disintigration the cure

Something so wrong feels so right

Now that I have your attention, I am referring to Hillary Clinton stepping knee deep into a swamp of shit.I wonder if someone jabbed her with a syringe of sodium pentathol right before that statement, forcing her to vocalize her inner evil voice.

I have to take my own truth serum here, I am THRILLED to have the world see what kind of a human Hillary really is. It may be petty and bipartisan of me but whatever.
It is my blog and I can gloat if I want to.

If you love Hillary you can email me direct at bitemydutchass.com

Fear

Fear is such a small word when it encompasses so many feelings. Fear and grief climb and wind their way through your belly, burning and churning with bile. Hands and feet go numb and clumsy. Fear takes away logic and gravity..stumbling for footing, or just falling to the floor for a moment.

Animals can feel and smell fear, us humans included. We sometimes try to deny the truth, shake it off but fear can be one clingy beast.